Are we in a gay sports bar?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
