Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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