he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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