Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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