I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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