My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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