Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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