Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
