so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
