The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
