i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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