At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
