I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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