I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
