i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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