I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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