brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
