I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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