I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
