Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
