handjob tips. give me some.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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