woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
