I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
