also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
