i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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