I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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