He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
