this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
