I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
