First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
