There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
