Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
