She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am naked and annoyed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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