Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
