you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
