I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
