Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize