Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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