Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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