just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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