the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
