apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
