Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
