Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
