Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
