im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
