Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
