why didn't you poke me back
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you never un-have a 4some
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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