Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
