I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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