yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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