tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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