is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
