So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
