My first STD was from a foam party
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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