She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
