I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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