Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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