The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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