Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
