So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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