True but thats because hes a fetus.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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