Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
