I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
