Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so let's talk penis.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
