I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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