I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
