who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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